randomramblingtidbits: (Life says "NOPE")
So aside from being a paraprofessional, I also run the art club at school. The club is under this 'Fine Arts' umbrella which includes drama, dance, and choir, so it is understood that when they do a school musical, we will help provide props and sets.

Which is fine if we weren't running down to the wire. I only got a 'suggested' list of props at the end of March and only last week did I get a confirmed list for all the props and sets, not to mention confirmation that we will be using the campus's stage instead of going off campus. Basically, last week was the point at which I got all the info for what to do, and the play opens on May 7th.

I'm not the only one to worry about the timing, since we only got casting and stuff done in early March, barely giving us two months to work with. Luckily the musical is Alice in Wonderland, so the kids are excited to go crazy with colors for the sets (after all, who says Wonderland can't have blue and purple trees?).  The other design club teacher runs soccer, so while he is often gone for games and practice, he is more than willing to have his players help with painting things.

Again, it just feels like we're running rather close to the wire and it wasn't helped that the past two weeks have been standardized testing weeks. That meant I had to cover for a lot of classes when the teachers are administrating the tests, leaving me with a very crowded schedule and no time to stop to work on things.

The call date for the props and sets is next Wednesday. I've got some props cut out for the kids to paint at tomorrow's club meeting, and testing will be done by tomorrow, so I can only hope that this will be enough to get everything done.

On the plus side, this has left me very...I guess creatively frustrated during the week, since I have no time to work on my own art during the week. That means when I go to art classes on Saturday , all the pent up creativity finally has an outlet. My instructor is very impressed by how focused and absorbed I am during this time :) 
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
I was having a good day today, was even going to talk about work and how we busted a cheating ring today in all its hilarious glory, but my parents had to go ruin it.

What, now that things are working out in work, my parents have to ruin things? What do they want from me? To be like Sis, a carbon copy of their beliefs, to follow them and Fox News blindly? Because that's not me and I can't keep pretending that it is. There are cracks and cracks and then it collapses and the edges hurt.
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
Blah Blah Acara's Emotional Issue )
Anyway, during my hiatus I was working on my original content. I was thinking of posting some things here for feedback, but with my parents going on about how I never share art with them, I'm feeling so guilty over posting things for people other them to see. But they've made it clear that they don't like the genre or themes I like to use in my writing, which is why I want to share it with others who do.

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
There's a new standardized test coming out for my state, and I have mandatory training for it on Monday.

So I had to cancel my club for that day :( And we were just letting 5th and 6th graders join...
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
ARGH! Our power went out again! Ever since we had those serial blackouts back in August, it seems that every other month they go around trying to fix things, but just end up cutting us off again!

Anyway, I held the first meeting of my Anime and Manga Club at my school yesterday. Considering that I passed out the permission slips for it on Thursday (Friday was no school for the students) and everything was basically word of mouth, the turn out of nine kids wasn't bad; certainly was a more manageable number for me to begin with as I get use to this. I had another kid turn in a permission slip to me and several others express interest once an announcement was formally made, so more might be coming.

But it was fun yesterday. The kids all call me 'senshi' or 'senpai' :D And while they were disappointed that I put an end to any ideas about having shipping wars, but we found more stuff to talk about. They were already talking about club activities like "Cosplay for Charity" or doing White Day grams. I also did a presentation about Valentine Day in Japan and gave them a 'creative challenge'; since so many of them tell me how anime and manga inspire them to draw, write, make AMVs, etc., they for the month of February I want to see if they could make something around the theme of Valentines Day. We're also doing another challenge to come up with a club mascot to put on flyers and stuff.

When we had free discussion, the kids brought up dubbing and we watch different dubbed theme songs, like the Swedish opening for Sailor Moon. I might do that as the topic for next week; I just got the Sailor Moon Reflections book and will see if I could incorporate something from there.

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
You know, the New Year looks so much better once you already graduated with a stable job. I'm just been so ridicously happy this past week, even if it was the same week school started. But I think part of that is because I do have a job and don't have to worry about things like the next semester.

...I still have days where I come home and am like 'shoot, I have things due for class tomorrow...oh, no I don't."

My New Years resolution is to just keep growing as I have. I want to eventually try moving out and living on my own, but baby steps. I already took the first step in that I have a new car! My old Honda Accord, which my family bough off my aunt, finally had its transmission crapped out to the point where I couldn't even even reverse it.

I think I mentioned before on tumblr that my grandfather was a mechanic and Mom and Auntie Sue both picked up quiet a bit about cars from him. They and my dad talked over my options with me and at this point there was no point in paying to get a new transmission. So they went out with me to the dealer to help me get my new baby, a silver Hyuundai Accent! I'm paid for the down payment, the rest of the payments and it is all in my names, but they helped with the paperwork and everything!

We got in on January 10th, which was actually the fifth year anniversity of Momma getting diagnosed with breast cancer. Now she has something better to remember the day for~

Then January 11th was Lily's second birthday! Look at how much she's grown over the years!

She's still spoiled though XD 

So the rest of the family used that as an excuse to come over for cake and to see my baby XD

So in all, things have been going good for 2015. Having both school and a car loan now to pay off is a bit scary, but I worked out my budget and it will be fine.

Now how else will 2015 proceed?

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
(trigger warning for mentions of abuse, death, depression, and suicide)

While part of the reason I stopped posting -both here and on tumblr- was because I did get a job, the other part of it is that I don't like the holiday season. I use too, but then my family decided to ruin it with me by being assholes.

Read more... )

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
I got my first paycheck on Friday and do you remember what I said would be the first thing I spent it on? Food! I've become kind of addicticed to steamed buns with sweet red bean paste in them (and a plus is that I don't have to worry about anyone else sneaking some out to eat since they don't like them) and I wanted to try making some of my own. I've found a recipe for the paste, or anko as it is also called, and bough some red beans from the Asian Market on my way home from work and made this:

Might not look like much, but considering I was paniking when I began adding the sugar because it looked too watery... I'm just so happy it came out alright; it tastes a bit sweeter then I usually like it, but that can be easily fix by adjusting the sugar added next time. I also bought both glutinous and non-glutinous rice flour to make dango to go with it and I also want to try making daifuku with it as well.

Can you tell that Just One Cookbook is my new favorite site? I'm seriously tempted to begin trying eBooks for the sole sake of the digital recipe book.

The rest of my family doesn't like anko (except maybe my brother, but it's been years since he had a chance to taste it so he doesn't know if he'll like it or not) but I'll also try out some other flavors for the dango and daifuku that would better suit their tastes. My dad is actually diabetic and he began having to take insulin a couple of years ago. On Friday, he and my mom went to a nutrition class for diabetics and finally, after months of Mom and I trying to get through to him, he is finally understanding the importance of counting his carbs. Of course, this translated into him trying to lecture me when I was making pancakes (non-gluten, non-wheat pancakes, mind you) yesterday and Mom had to remind him that, no, I'm not the one needs to count carbs, especially considering Bro and I are the ones who are the most mindful of what we eat >_<

But it gives me an excuse to try to be healthier. I bough some almond flour, which has 6 grams of carbs of which 3 of them are fiber, and he wants to give it a try. I also want to look into sugar substitutes; just how beneficial is agave and how could I substitute it into recipes? Another thing is that I have a bit of a sweet tooth and prefer baking, but I think its time for me to venture out into trying more savory recipes that might have me not being as depended on the oven.
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
Wee, first week of work out of the way and I'm loving it! The staff has been super nice about helping me get situated and the girl I'm working with is such a sweetie with the cutest dimples when she smiles! But it is still so weird to be working at the school without actually being in school; for the past two years, every time I've been teaching I've also had course work to worry about. I still catch myself going 'what classes I have today?" and "what assignment are due?" and it is just so weird.

But it is nice not to have that extra responsibility looming over me. When I switched my majors from Elementary Ed. to Educational Studies, it was because I couldn't take both the classroom responsibility and the course work as well. That really hurt my confidence regarding my teaching abilities and that is the main reason I haven't taken the test for becoming a certified teacher. I think a bit more time at this place and I'll might be reading to take it for the next school year...

Other than that, new job meant that I had to quit procrastinating about cleaning through my closet. I've discovered that I have a surprising amount of shirts and jeans that I should begin wearing more instead of constantly switching through the same seven or so pairs of tank tops and shorts. But it has been so humid here in the desert lately! We're getting flooded with rain and it gets so disgusting out here. Just this weekend we had another monsoon, and between the icky weather and Sophie-cat and Lily-dog going crazy over the thunder and lighting, I've been reminded why I love the dry, desert heat so much!
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
So I've kind of been MIA for a while, but things are finally looking up and you know why? 


I'm going to be a paraprofessional for a special needs student at a charter school that is only about ten minutes away from my house. The pay isn't the best -I'm on a strict 40 hour weekly schedule with no option for overtime- but compared to how great everything else about it is, I can let that slide. It's close by so I won't be wasting money on gas, the campus is beautiful, the dress code is relatively lax (we can wear business shorts when it gets hot out, which is wonderful for working in the Arizona desert) and a couple of blocks from it is an Asian market. And they have green tea mochi and red bean steamed buns! I dropped off the last of my paperwork today (I start Monday) and stopped off there to pick them up.

...Yeah, my first thought after getting the job was "Think of all the food I can buy!". I'm such a bad Christian because my first thought wasn't even about how I'll be able to regularly tithe now; it was actually my third thought because my second one was then "Now I can save up to buy video games." But my tastes run a bit different from the rest of my family and I hate having them buy my almond milk, tofu, etc, but now they won't have to!
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
So, Sunday was my mother's birthday. After the two blackouts we had earlier in August, my dad knew that my mom wanted more candle holders so he got her a candle tray with stones in it, kind of like this. Mom loved it, but noted that she got it after the blackouts.

WELL YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPEN LAST NIGHT? Hint: Another blackout. At least Mom was able to put her birthday present to good use, but that doesn't change the fact that this is monsoon season, so the nights are hot and humid. You know things are bad when people are saying that they wished the power went out during the day! At least then, they could go to an air-conditioned place that is open!

At least, that how the rest of my family saw it. I'm definitely the most adapt to heat in the family, so it was no big deal for me, That just meant that I was on duty to give Lily ice water to help her cool down. Poor baby...

Oh, and I got Mom her own flute pan/angel food pan so she has her own and doesn't have to keep borrowing from her friends. We're planning to break it in by making Grandma's pound cake again this week :) 

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
(warnings for mention of depression)

I was in the hospital yesterday thanks to kidney-stone-pain-that-wakes-me-up-at-four-in-the-morning. So we're going through the list of questions, and my mom is helping me because I'm pretty out of it due to the pain at the time. But when she says that I'm taking celexa for anxiety, I pipe in to add that it's for depression. When the nurse leaves, my mom then turns to me with this surprised look on her face and says "I though it was only for anxiety, but you can take it for depression as well?"

(I wish I knew how to put gifs in these entries as then I would put in that gif of Picard facepalming)

I've been on it for, I think two years now, and you never once picked that up. It wasn't like this was the first time I had to fill out medical paperwork and mention it; my mother was right there when I was filling out papers for entering the teaching program each semester. Not to mention that celexa's main use is as an anti-depressant, and it treating my anxiety is a nice side effect.

Though, if my mother and father though that my medication was only for anxiety, that does make sense of some things. Like, my aunts and uncles who take medication for depression are probably also taking it for anxiety and my parents just assume it was for one thing and not the other. Heck, that still perfectly explains why they have such a hard time accepting that depression can be something chemical in the brain if they didn't know that their siblings exactly what medication their siblings are taking.

Job Woes

Aug. 26th, 2014 08:18 pm
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
(trigger warning for mention of depression)

I've been feeling really depressed lately, largely because of the job thing. Since school started, I just felt like I missed my-self imposed deadline for getting a job. But my therapist and a family friend (who was a teacher herself until she retired last year) reminded me that there will still be having job posting, and even have new positions opening as they realize what they still need. But it was still a depressive episode; I didn't even get around to submitting anything last week just because I felt so stagnated and wondering what is the point if I'm just going to be turned down again. But I need to keep going and this was actually a subject we touched on when I was interning at the job center. I need to set small, reachable objectives as I continue to work towards my goal of getting a job. Right now it is just making sure that I submit an application each day, which I have been doing so far.

I still need to work on getting out of my rut. I might try to get back to drawing and writing, and maybe even hanging out on tumblr and Skype again.
randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
Erhhh, I'm so tired. We were babysitting two of my cousins yesterday and it ended up turning into a sleepover. Both of the boys were so excited but that meant that they didn't go to sleep until around 1:30 in the morning or so. And then they get up early and are so full of energy 0_0

Since they love Lego's, my mom brought out my brother's old Bionicles from the storage shed to play with. Only they kept calling the Bionicles 'Hero Factory' XD I heard Bionicles might be getting a reboot soon and their birthdays are coming up, so that may be a good gift idea for them.

They were staying with us because their youngest brother ended up staying overnight at the hospital with their mom. They thought he might have type-1 diabetes, but I guess the tests for it came back negative? I don't really know, only they haven't figured out what's wrong with him. Since he was throwing up a lot, we thought he might be dehydrated since this is Arizona, but they ended up finding keytones in his urine and a raised white cell count. But, again, they were able to rule out diabetes, so what could it be?

On a more pleasent note, my mom and I made my Grandma's pound cake yesterday. Mom put me in charge of measuring everything, because she has a horrible tendency to forget how many cups of flour she puts in, leading to the cake being too doughy the last time she tried making it. This time, though, it came out perfect! The boys loved it, and when we made sure to leave a piece for the youngest (who always reminded us of that when we talked to him on the phone). And between my family and my cousin's, its all gone, so we'll have to try to make it again some time.

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
(trigger warnings for mentions of depression, suicide, and self-harming)

Netbug, you made a wonderful post about Robin Williams and depression and I wanted to respond to it, but I ended up kind of rambling, so I'm making a DW entry out of it. But you get credit for inspiring this post :)

Anyway, I was thinking about what Netbug said and it took me back to my high school years, when I was severely depressed; I actually had a contract I made with myself that said I was going to kill myself when I turned 18 because I hated myself so much and just couldn't imagine carrying on with this pain into my adult life. I was suffering and I needed help.

And I told my parents two times during this time. Technically three, as the first time I told them I was suicidal was in 8th grade when my brother caught me with an arm red with bite marks. And they did nothing.

Oh sure, they made sure to keep an extra eye on me, always asking how I'm feeling and if I was having 'those thoughts' again and about how they would pray for me. But after a while they think everything was fine with me, that I had managed to 'snap out of it' and let the status quo resume...until I broke down again. This happen my sophomore year (when I confessed to cutting myself) and my senior year (when I broke down crying during lunch). And each time it was the same 'we'll pray and keep an eye on you' solution. It wasn't until Mother's Day of 2012, when I lashed out at one of my cousins, that they finally took me to my aunt's therapist. And said therapist was the one who finally told my parents to take me a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with clinical depression and gave me anti-depressants. But the pills alone weren't enough, as it took one more breakdown for me to finally see a therapist regularly.

My brother once asked me why I needed other people to walk me through these things (my university's counselors were the ones who helped me find an affordable therapist) and the answer is that was how I grew up. After all, if I really needed professional help, surely my parents would have given it to me after I confessed to being suicidal three times?

But my parents didn't understand. Sure, my aunts and uncles may struggle with it because my grandparents were abusive, but me? Their happy-go-lucky, bubbly daughter? I don't think they understood that depression is more than just a mood that results for trauma. Heck, they still don't understand it. Last week, with my sister starting high school, my own four years were brought up and I didn't sugar-coat it that just how I felt during that time. And they get so offended by it, asking me if they 'were really such bad parents that I lead such a miserable life'.

I love my parents and they are wonderful, but they don't get that depression can be chemical, an imbalance in the brain they have no control over. Our family has a history of mental illnesses and I happened to win the genetic lottery that dictates my brain to be that way. The way I felt beneath my false smiles, the way I can still feel, had absolutely nothing to do with them.

The only thing they are responsible for is how they responded it to it.

So, yes, if you are suffering, please, speak up and don't continue to hurt. But everyone else has a responsibility as well, one to listen to the voice, to understand and not silence them. Because after a while, we will see that our words grant us no relief, so we will just quit talking.

randomramblingtidbits: (Life says "NOPE")
Between babysitting my cousin's three boys, searching for a job, and ending up with a sore throat, I didn't have a chance to do anything for TMNT Girl Power Week. Yeah, it still goes on till Sunday, but I doubt I'll be able to finish anything in time for that; I am waayyy too slow of a drawer. I still have the sketch for April's day still in the mannequin stage of laying out the anatomy.

Also, little cousins playing with Sai meant that my brush settings got messed up, so I've also had to deal with playing around with fixing that.

I suppose I could try salavaging something. I have some stuff from my Miwa AU I could post? Even if it has nothing to do with the theme, I could do it in honor of it. After all, one of my goals with my Miwa AU was to treat the female characters, especially April, with more respect compared to cannon.

But at this point, all I want to do is sit back and watch funny Youtube videos while drawing silly sketches because, Blargh, I don't feel like I have the energy for anything else...

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)
We had a blackout on Saturday when all four of my little cousins were over. It happen just as my mom was going to put Frozen on for them to watch. And then their parents came over, like, ten minutes later at around seven, so the kids weren't scared. In fact, they thought it was so cool once we brought out the candles and flashlights. One of my cousins had her birthday earlier in July and still had glow sticks left over, so we got those out for the kids. The younger two had fun making bracelets and necklaces with them, while the older two loved throwing them in the pool and diving after them, under our watchful eyes and flashlights of course! And Lily was happy because us being out on the patio meant that she could night-swimming as well. 

Then my sister pointed out that we never got around to making s'mores on Fourth of July and the fire pit was right there, so we got all the s'more making stuff out for some fun. Surprisingly, the fire felt nice. Or maybe it wasn't so surprising, since it has been monsoon season over here. There's a reason why Arizonian's always point out that we have a dry heat, because humid heat is horrible!

Then the kids went home and Dad and I agreed to stay the night to take care of Lily-dog and Sophie-cat. Poor Momma has been experiencing bad hot-flashes ever since she finished her chemo, something about her hormones or medication making her have heat flashes. There was no way she could stay the night in the house and it was expected that the power wouldn't be back on till five in the morning. Sis and her went home with one of our cousins and then Dad and I retired to the patio where it was slightly cooler. I had a flashlight and a book handy while Dad went to fold up the patio umbrellas. I hear the 'clank-clank-clank' of the crank and once it clears, the power came back on! I burst out laughing, asking dad what he did to make the power come back on.

Of course, whatever they did to fix the power must have been a temporary fix, as the we had another blackout tonight. It wasn't for as long, just an hour and a half or so, but it happen around the time my sister was getting ready for bed, since tomorrow is her first day of high school and she has to be at school really early for band.

...Allow me a moment to try to get use to the fact that my baby sister is starting high school 0_0

This brings up the point about dry heat vs humid heat; tonight wasn't humid at all, so I took Lily and a flashlight out and went around the block to see how our neighbors were faring. I'm a desert kid through and through; some where complaining that it was hot out, but to me it was wonderful. And Lily was happy too, since she got to see some of the neighbor dogs. She actually doing really well around new dogs, as she doesn't bark or try to bite them, just smell them quietly. I wish she would act the same way with new people, as she gets all hyper and jumpy when she's around them >_<

Also, I got around to finally making this pie yesterday. I had most of the ingredients but kept procrastinating on it because 1) we didn't have cocoa powder and 2) my enthusiasm for making the recipe deflated after Mom reminded me that she can't have anything soy. But I had already bought most of the stuff and the expiration date for the tofu was coming up, so I got off my butt, got the cocoa powder, and finally made her.

The funny thing is that the cocoa powder was a bigger obstacle then I thought. Storytime: when Acara was, oh, nine or so, she wanted something sweet to eat, but there wasn't anything like that in the house. Then I remembered the container of cocoa powder on the baking shelf and figured, hey, that's probably pretty good. It might be a bit bitter, but I love dark chocolate so I figured I could bare it. So I got the biggest spoon I could find and filled it with cocoa powder.

If you never tasted cocoa powder before, DON'T DO IT! You know the cinnammon challenge? My reaction was just like that as I tried not to spit the nasty stuff everywhere. So I kind of have had a bad association with cocoa powder since then and the fact that I couldn't easily find it in the store made me just want to make the recipe without it more.

Childish, I know, but the worst part was that, as I was making the pie, I though that maybe I had overreacted that day. After all, everything in moderation and all that, so maybe just a small sample would taste better? There was a light dusting of it on the teaspoon I used, so I wiped some of it on my finger and licked it. AND IT TURNED OUT I WAS STILL HORRIBLY WRONG!

...You know that scene in Avatar the Last Airbender where Sokka licks the gunk they find inside that one rock cave in the desert? And how he says he did it because he's so naturally curous? Yeah, I am just like that. Remind me to tell you guys the story of when I touched a cactus for a dollar sometime.

Still, the pie came out wonderful! I'll have to see if it will last till Bro comes home this weekend; at least with him I know he'll appreciate it!

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)


Gah, I call Thursday and they tell me to call yesterday at 8:30 in the morning. Then I'm so anxious about 'what if I sleep through my alarm' that I don't really sleep well that night, but I do get up in time and you know what? The hiring person still isn't in and I leave them my number for the third time!

...okay, so they started school on Wednesday, I can respect that things would be busy. But it has been over a week since my interview, I would like to know if this job is still an option or not.

...and of course, I still haven't heard back from anyone else, so that is why I'm clinging so hard to this opportunity. But next week I'll probably begin calling individual schools about my applications instead of just going through the district websites. One of the places I applied for is working at the on-site preschool at my old high school, which my sister will be starting this year. That...would actually be kind of funny if I ended up working at the same place she is going to school. She'd probably tell me not to embarrass her, which is what Bro said when he began high school as well; he's a year younger then me, so when he began his freshman year, he told me not to hang around with him least I hurt his rep. Sis is basically the same way.

And I though being the oldest sibling would make me be the cool one :(

Either way, it would be really great if I could hear back from someone, anyone! This waiting part is the hardest part of the whole thing!

randomramblingtidbits: (Default)

This was a warm-up doodle that turned out surprisingly cute, so I decided to finish it. And I've been meaning to practice coloring, so I figure I might as well try out one of those palette meme things. I just don't know if I did it correctly because 1) I used black to ink everything and 2) I use Sai brushes that have automatic blending on them, so there are colors in here that deviate from the original palette. All the meme pictures I've seen so far use don't use black for outlines or blend the colors to make new shades. Yeah, leave it to me to find a way to mess up the challenge :/ That's why I'm hesitant to post this to tumblr.

...Anyway, this is set in my Miwa AU and resulted from when I was thinking about Miwa's relationship with Mikey. Since she was always watching after him since he was the littlest, that also meant that, for a while, she and Mikey slept int the same bed either to help keep both of them warm or just because Mikey had a period of time when he was scared of the dark. Either way, it's cute :3

randomramblingtidbits: (Life says "NOPE")
...I still didn't get a call back today. I even tried to call the school again, but it was after office hours. First thing tommorrow, though, I'll call again because at this point I don't care about whether I get the job or not, I want closure darn it!

(And I also want the peace of being able to separate myself from my cell phone lest I miss their call back)

In other news, I've been enjoying Cyborg 009 (the 2001 series) and re-discovering my love for the Megaman series. Both have rekindled my interest in robots and sci-fi, which is an interesting change in mindset after spending so long in the medieval fantasy setting of Fire Emblem. It also reminded me again how badly I want a steady job so I can justify getting a subscription for the Archie Megaman comics.

Sigh. At least for now I can rely on my library for some of the graphic novels. And they finally got the first two volumes of the crossover with Sonic, so yeah.

But I'm still frustrated about the job thing. Why won't anyone call me back >_<

Page generated Oct. 21st, 2017 02:55 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios